Mini Golf: A Game of Death

On this occasion, as a boy younger than 5 years old, I went to spend the weekend over at my grandparents. There house smelled of cinnamon and old newspaper. After being there maybe an hour, we all went to Forsythe’s miniature golf course to play a game. As a child, I was a lot more hyper; one might even say I was “Wild Out”, so my favorite thing to do with a putter on the miniature golf course was to slap shot the ball. The feeling I got from watching the ball bouncing off of everything it hit was very amusing to me. On the first hole, I probably took around six shots to get the ball in the hole, seeing as I saw it to be a lot more to drive the ball then to move it towards the hole. Now, my grandparents didn’t really approve of my unorthodox golfing style, but they didn’t really prevent me from doing it, at least not during the first two holes. As my Grandpa recorded everybody’s scores, my grandma and I moved to the next hole. I placed my ball on the ground preparing to tee off when I heard my Grandpa say something to my Grandma that momentarily distracted her. As she looked away, I swung the club back as hard as I could which flung my Grandmother’s glasses from her face ten feet or so plopping right into a water fountain. The frame was  bent and the lenses were shattered.  This is what one would describe as an, “Oh….Crap.” moment. It is hard to think of a more jaw dropping instance then when you hit your Grandma in the face with a golf club.

                Luckily my Grandma didn’t get hurt, I had managed only to take her glasses off, and not smash her face in. Her glasses were however destroyed. After the second hole, we left Forsythe’s and took a trip to the mall to replace my Grandma’s glasses. My Grandparents were very cool about this incident and thankfully didn’t get to upset. They understood that it was an accident, and I must have spent the whole car ride there and hour long wait for new glasses apologizing to them.

                Since that day, I have been a lot more careful with my golf swing and we all look back at the incident in a humorous light. My Grandma often gives me snack foods that taste good whenever I see her; we have not gone golfing since.

Christmas

My ex and her husband had tried - and failed - to break it easy to my 6-year-old son Charlie that Santa isn't real. On Christmas Eve, I read Charlie The Night Before Christmas... before receiving an unexpected visitor on my roof. When a man was startled by my calling out he fell of the roof, and then the Santa impersonator disappeared, leaving only an 8-reindeer sleigh and a suit with instructions to put it on if he's involved in an accident. I did, and I was transported around the town dropping gifts through chimneys until I was taken to the North Pole and informed by a group who claimed they were elves that I was now Santa. Charlie was proud of my new job, though I was scepticle about what actually happened. Then my hair turned white, my beard refused to stay shaved, I gained weight inexplicably, I even had a sudden love of junk food... Now I accepted it, there's just one problem: how to keep it  a secret from my disbelieving family?

Memoir

It was last December, and I was going to go to the Steelers game with my cousin Brandon. My mom was the youngest of five kids, so all of my cousins are older than me; some are a lot older than me. So the fact that I was going to hang out with Brandon was pretty cool because it was as if I was one of the older guys.

I have hung out with Brandon and my other cousin on numerous occasions, but this was just seemed cool. I went over to his house Thursday after school for the Thursday night game. We hung out for a bit, and then we walked down his street to get to the T-train stop.  We talked a lot about the game bop-it and how his was supposedly haunted; it would turn on at random. We rode downtown, got sandwiches, ate them by PNC Park, and then went to Heinz field for the game. It was a blowout against the Panthers, plus we got on the cameras for NFL network before the game started. So all in all it was a great time. 

After the game we went back to his house and watched TV and ordered a pizza online from dominoes. If you have never ordered a pizza from dominos online, I recommend doing so. It is a very strange and awesome experience. There is something called the pizza tracker, and if you leave the browser open on the computer, it updates you on the progress of your pizza, but there’s all  of these sound effects like explosions and guitars, and the guy is singing to you how far along your pizza is.  So when we were watching Robin Hood Men in Tights in the other room, and every five minutes or so you would hear the dominoes  website singing that your pizza has just been put into the oven as an explosion goes off, it was pretty awesome. After the pizza got there, his older sister Shannon and her fiancé Kyle came home, as well as my other cousin Brian and they all had some pizza. Later on we put on TV Land and watched a Rosanne marathon for a bit. Later, The Nanny came on, I hate the Nanny so we started looking for other things to watch, and we realized that home improvement would be on later, which was totally awesome because I had not seen that show in a long time, and me and Brandon began a deep discussion about the noise that Tim Allen makes at the beginning of the theme song, and countless times throughout the series. We changed the channel for the about fifteen minutes to watch a ghost show, it wasn’t ghost hunters. It was more like some kind of paranormal accounts television show, you know like people discussing their encounters with the dead. So as the night carried on, we continued with joking conversations and just hanging out with each other.  Around 4 in the morning, Home Improvement came on and we heard the noise that Tim Allen makes, which finally restored order to the universe.

From this night I have formed a much more personal relationship with my cousin, and Dominoes Pizza.

Polyphasic Sleep

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyphasic_sleep

Often it feals as if there is not nearly enough time in the day to do everything you need to do as well as get a good night sleep. This is why I think Polyphasic sleeping is an interesting life style. Say you sleep 8 hours in a night, only about 2 hours of that sleep is spent in the REM stage. The REM stage of sleep is what makes you feal rested. So some people choose to skip through all that wasted time spent sleeping, and just go after the REM. However it puts you on such a weird schedule. What you have to do is take 30 minute naps equally spread out through the day. 4 or 6 naps is the most common. These however means that you only have to sleep 2 or 3 hours a day.
One thing about Polyphasic sleeping is it is hellish to adapt to your new schedule. This is because your body wont immediately adjust to it, it may take up to two weeks. So during those 2 weeks it is  like your not getting any sleep at all. You'll just end up walking around like a zombie. I mean you wont be able to keep your focus on anything.
Polyphasic sleeping is a pretty interesting concept to me, just to think about all of the extra time in the day you'll have. But how good is that time? None of you buddy's are gonna want to hang out with you when you call them at 3 in the morning. So I think you would probably end up haveing alot of alone time. It would be like haveing two lives, one with people and one without. I think if you ever did this you would have to get alot of hobbies; doing puzzles, magic tricks, darts, or whatever random things you would want to get extremely good at during you night time hours spent alone.
Another thought about this that I am haveing is you would need an extremely flexible schedule to do this. If you work a job or go to school, how can you work it out to take a 30 minute nap every 6 hours.
It's a cool concept though.

Criminal Mastermind

http://news.yahoo.com/man-wanted-murder-look-bear-mauling-200441863.html

Once the article first started describing this man's plan, I thought they were making a joke, but they weren't. He really considered skinning a bear and wearing its pelt to kill someone.
I can only assume that this is going to start a dangerouse trend of people dressing up like animals and going on crime sprees.

Iced Tea

If there is one thing that I truely do not understand, it is the ice-tea situation at McDonalds. There is Sweet Tea, and then there is Unsweetened Tea. Now the Sweet tea has a large quantity of sugar added to it, so the name Sweet Tea makes perfect sense. However I constantly find myself wondering, what is unsweetened tea? The word unsweetened to me implies that a sweetner is removed from the tea, but that is not the case. NOT THE CASE AT ALL! The Unsweetened tea just doesnt have any sweetner added to it. So how can you remove a sweetner from a tea that doesnt have any sort of sweetner added to it in the first place. Unsweetend Tea is just Tea. What is wrong with just calling it Tea?
And if you are considering the argument, maybe "Unsweetened" means that there is no sweetner in it, good for you. Because this is true, however it is irrelevant. It is completely pointless to tack on the word "Unsweetened" before the word "Tea". So why do it if not only to frustrate me? The word Tea is capable of standing on its own, it needs no help to describe what it is.

Some Poems

"Throw the switch!"
   And lightning flashed
   My assistants screams of excitement
   "It worked. My God it actually worked!"
   Infinately echoed as the vortex swallowed me
Fadeing in are the sounds of a new time
   Then the worm hole finally births me
   "What in tarnation?" sais a drunk laying in the gutter
   By the looks of it,
   I may have gone back too far.



Why can't they show "King of the Hill" all day?
   This would lead to a much happier world.
Why can't I quit my job and drop out of school?
   Stay home all day and watch "King of the Hill".
Live a life free from problems
Live a life free from responsibilities
Can I quit my life and just become a Hill?
Where even the realest of issues
Will never matter to the outside world.
Why can't I live a stress free life
And just stay home and watch "King of the Hill"?



Standing by himself
He is dirty, old and balding
Now reaching into a trash bag
Where he keeps all of his belongings

Out of the bag he pulls a capri-sun
Drinking it as fast as he can
The pouch is crushed by his hand
And in no time, the drink is gone

He throws his garbage on the ground
And walks away.



The sky turns black
   And silence engulfs the land
   The streets lay empty
   Quiet, dead
The blackness of the sky
   Swallows all of the light
   And all of the life
   In the desert town.